Inaction is also action
There are two questions that I’ve been mulling over recently:
Does what I’m about to do contribute to the way I want to feel or the experience I want to have?
Does what I’m about to do include caring for myself?
These questions are what have been keeping me up at night. Literally. I was up at 2am with OCD type thoughts and could not get them to stop.
You see, I was home with family recently—the first time in several years that I’ve been able to spend time with them without juggling work at the same time or having another event / gathering to attend. That used to be the only reason to come in town: to attend something so I had an excuse to be busy, a quick trip in and out. But my only purpose and intention this time was to be with them as much as possible. This was one of the major “why’s” for starting my own business: to have the flexibility and spaciousness to have more meaningful time with family.
But being with them as much as possible comes with some serious energy management boundaries for me. I’m happy to sit in silence for hours reading a book or looking at my garden. Being constantly around people with very little time to myself is taxing. And I slipped up. I said things I shouldn’t have said because I got defensive. And when I heard my mom give a snarky reply to someone, I asked her if that was contributing to the outcome she wanted?
Heh. Yeah. Foot in mouth. A serious “take your own advice” moment.
And I have been. Again. “Align your actions with how you want to feel” is a core component of Wild & Sacred and it’s one I’m always in the work of. I need to walk the new path enough to see the outcome I desire so the old path becomes less appealing.
I see this practice in a new light after last week. I see how the actions I do or do not take can reinforce an old belief or can move me in the direction of a new one.
I see how putting the dishes on the counter and leaving them there contributes to greater stress and frustration down the road when I don’t have counter space to cook on so I end up ordering take out again because it’s easier than taking the time to do the dishes. I’m reinforcing the old belief that I’m not worth the time to cook a nourishing meal for. I’m not worth caring for myself.
I see how the lingering (and growing pile) of laundry contributes to me wearing clothes that don’t make me feel good about myself because that’s all that’s left in my dresser so I’m reinforcing the old belief that I don’t matter, that I don’t deserve to feel sexy and comfortable in my body…then up comes all the body image stuff I thought I’d healed.
I see how avoiding necessary conversations contributes to repeating the same thing over and over causes less discomfort but it only reinforces the old belief that being “happy,” “agreeable,” and “likable” is more important than holding someone accountable. And let’s be real, the long term discomfort from not speaking up is way more than the short term discomfort when you do speak up.
None of these things contribute to the outcome I actually want to have. None of them include caring for myself. They’re old patterns of self sabotage that keep me small and deflect responsibility.
So what I’m working on instead is slowing down enough to see the end result of the action I’m about to take and what kind of impact it will have. As James Clear says, “The costs of your good habits are in the present. The costs of your bad habits are in the future.”
To put the dishes away as soon as I’m done eating takes time now which can sometimes be seen as a cost but it reduces the chance of eating take out later which will throw my digestion off and have me wishing I hadn’t spent so much on a black bean burger, waffle fries, fried pickles, and a tea. (Y’all…this was a $35 meal. INSANE right?! Definitely could’ve made it myself for way less).
To do the laundry and actually put the clothes away instead of tossing them on the guest bed takes time now but I’ll have the clothes I WANT to wear which will help me feel better in my body and about myself which is priceless.
To have the difficult conversation now is to sacrifice my comfort now so we can start the healing process and be in a better place later.
So, what pattern do you find yourself in right now that doesn’t feel great later on?
What action can you take now that will align with the experience you want to have in the future?
Remember, inaction is also action.