Cleaning as worship

During aka the deconstruction

There’s something so intimate about getting down on your hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floor. You see things in a whole new way and maybe for the first time, like that mark on the tile that you were convinced was just part of the tile because no matter how much you mopped it, it never reduced in size. Down on hands and knees, you realize it was a very stubborn stain that needed more attention. Elbow grease and razor blade kinda attention. So what started out as cleaning our dog Nyla’s slobber spot (she lost half her bottom jaw to cancer years ago so she’s a very messy eater), turned into one of the most visceral experiences of worship I’ve ever had.

My friend Stacey shared on Instagram that she’s moving out of the house that held her as she birthed her babies, became a mother, started a family. She asked if anyone else felt like their home had a spirit and what practices they did to honor the spirit of their home when they moved out. This was on my mind as I was on my hands and knees cleaning the baseboards that probably hadn’t been cleaned since long before we moved in.

I saw those stubborn stains as analogies for how many things I consider to be Truth but are actually smearings of my perception of the world. I dismissed things by saying “well, that’s just the way things are” when that’s not the way they have to be, need to be, or were ever supposed to be. I hadn’t gotten down on my hands and knees to truly become intimate with the implications of such thinking. How many things am I allowing to just keep existing because I’m not willing to put in the grunt work to change them?

My sister came to visit a couple weeks ago. She said when we left, the word that came to mind for her was nourished, that she felt nourished in our home, not just because we had such a fun time together but because there was some kind of energy that made her feel at home. Now, I’m a Taurus. I love my space but my space has been feeling overwhelming lately. It’s messy and dirty and cluttered and it’s basically been the same since we moved in 3 years ago. In a workshop I taught a couple weeks ago, I shared a ritual for creating an altar and spoke to how when my altar is feeling crusty and dusty, I’m probably in need of tending too. In this case, not only did I need tending, my relationship with the spirit of our home needed tending.

And so, I began to see my home as an altar for The Mother, the one holding us, nourishing us, loving us. Cleaning Nyla’s slobber spot quickly evolved into a full deep clean of the whole kitchen. From bottom to top to bottom again. I pulled every thing out of every cabinet. I dumped out old supplements and recycled the bottles. I peeled the labels off spice jars and kept them to store seeds in. I dusted off every herb jar and moved them into a more visible place, to their own altar of sorts. I donated and rehomed kitchenware we got as wedding presents and haven’t used a single time.

This deep clean became a devotion to The Mother. I saw myself washing Her feet just as Mary washed Jesus’s. I saw Her sitting there, right in front of me, smiling as if to say “finally, you’ve noticed me.” I realized in that moment, She’s always been here. Here in this home and here in my heart. She’s here in all ways, always.

It took 12 hours (with some breaks) but my kitchen was refreshed and renewed. I’ve always considered the kitchen to be one of the most important places of a home. It’s the place where everyone gathers, without fail. I believe cooking food is a spiritual practice, a ritual of love and devotion. And cooking in a kitchen that’s intentionally had every single tile scrubbed by hand, every nook and cranny dusted and vacuumed, every spice jar arranged just so, every piece of kitchenware thoughtfully chosen, well, there’s something special about it. It feels like there’s enough space for all of you, like you belong here too. Because you do.

So, as someone who’s really not a very clean or organized person but who has really, really tried to be, I’ve realized that I can allow being clean and organized to be FOR something beyond myself, that cleaning can be worship and devotion to The Mother, The Goddess, The Spirit of My Home who protects us and loves us. And in keeping my space clean, tidy, and refreshed, I can show my love to Her. By devoting this to Her, I give Her an opening to help me, to work through me. And that’s what I really want: for my Life to be in service to Her Love.

After aka the Reconstruction